Monday, 7 May 2012

A "bad choice...."

Never let it be said that being the mother of two little boys is not educational.

The scene: Saturday afternoon, and we are at a beach playground, trying out Littleboy 1's new bike, his seventh birthday present. It's the day before his nature-themed party at a wildlife centre; having spent what seems like weeks preparing for all eventualities, I am all ready (despite the fact that not all the Mums have replied yet to my Evite invitation. One of them does, finally, at midnight that night, to say yes. Then, in the morning, she changes her reply to no. The Doctor and I joke that she must have been drunk for the first reply, hungover for the second. Although perhaps it's not a joke...).

The boys abandon their bikes and go to play on the huge climbing frame, which is built in the style of a pirate ship. There are two little girls there also playing, their father nearby. The Doctor and I are seated some way off, relieved that at last we don't need to police the boys quite so closely in the playground, as at five and seven, they are fairly independent.

 Suddenly, there is an anguished howl - from the birthday boy. Then Littleboy 2's voice, clear as a bell, rings out. "Your penis is on fire!" he says to his brother, with an intonation half of incredulity and half (I am afraid to say) of glee.

We both sprint towards the playground, my main priority at this point being to give Littleboy 2 a round telling off for shouting loudly about penises in the playground (I've told him, I really have...). Littleboy 1 I am not so worried about - he's always hurting himself and can be a bit of a drama queen. Then I see my firstborn - running towards me, trousers down, blood spurting from his crotch and all over his clothes. Suddenly, Littleboy 2's description does not seem inaccurate.

 The Doctor and I stand there, gaping, for a second.

We go into action. The Doctor runs off for the First Aid kit in the car, as I frantically throw my fleece at Littleboy 1's nether regions in an effort both to staunch the blood flow and cover him up. (The little girls and father in the playground are desperately trying not to look.) I try to keep calm for Littleboy 1, who is crying and asking things like "Am I going to die?", but actually I am beside myself - what has he done exactly? Will this mean a trip to the ER? Will he be OK for his party? And, most importantly, has he ruined his sex life forever?

The Doctor returns, applies a bandage and has a proper look, diagnosing a tiny tear in the foreskin. "It's a very vascular area," he pronounces, drawing on his full knowledge of anatomy. Oh- kay........

I am glad to say that it recovered; the blood stopped, there was no discernible injury, and no trip to the ER. I am still not sure exactly what he did, other than throwing himself at some kind of pole to slide down it. But one thing is for sure; he will not be doing it again.

"That was a bad choice, wasn't it?" he says to me later, when I am giving him a little talk about how it's a sensitive area and he should be more careful.

"Yes," I agree."It was."

18 comments:

MsCaroline said...

Still laughing at this one, although I know you must have been terrified while it was happening! Glad there's no lasting damage and glad you had a doctor right there! I can't remember who told us this when our boys were small, but we always reminded ourselves that extremities tend to bleed a lot, so oftentimes what looked like a bloody tragedy (no pun intended) was just a small nick or scratch. Somehow, I forgot to include 'penis' in my extremities list, though! Poor LB1 - what a scare!

PantsWithNames said...

Poor LB 1. Like you say he won't be making that choice again.

At least yours are saying penis - mine have picked up the word wrong and run around shouting 'don't hit me on my peanuts' which isn't going to serve them well in the future...

Nota Bene said...

On the one hand...poor lad...I bet it was a real shock....for him and you both. Brothers of course love to see harm inflicted on their siblings! I love his very grown up comment.

On the other hand as all is well, I will allow myself a smile at the "Your penis is on fire" comment...

Hope the party is good!

Iota said...

So let me get this straight here... you think that "ruined his sex life forever" is more important than "being OK for his party"?

Just how committed ARE you to this party?

Jay said...

Oh poor little chap! I hope he enjoyed the party despite the penis problem. As a mother of 2 boys (and 1 girl) that is a word that crops up in their conversations far more than I think it ought to!!

Expat mum said...

Goodness, how traumatizing. And I hope there's no permanent damage!

About Last Weekend said...

Wow, how did he do that - throw himself at a pole? - he is a danger man!

nappy valley girl said...

Ms Caroline - you're right, that's one extremity we women don't really think about...

Pants - at least they won't be offending other people in the playground, even if you know what they're on about!

NB - well, we did have to laugh about it afterwards...

Iota - I know. It was a close run thing.....

Jay - thankfully he was fine for the party, and had mostly forgotten about it - although we did have to tell him not to go telling all his friends about it..

Expat Mum - weirdly, there appears to be no damage at all. Who knew?

ALW - well, either reckless or just clueless, I think....

Knackered Mother said...

Oh. My. God! I would have FREAKED OUT! At least you have a doctor in the house...still, am sure it doesn't make it any easier when it is your own.

Rainbow Prams said...

OMG this is so true! You really can't take boys anywhere! They will always end up either finding or getting into trouble! Bless him poor little mite, hope he's ok and hope he had a fab birthday regardless. xx

Tanya (bump2basics) said...

Very vascular area - ha! It must have been awful seeing him in that state before you knew exactly the cause - I suppose boys bits are more exposed to danger than us ladies!

Metropolitan Mum said...

Another thing you just never think of as a woman/mother of a little girl. Am not so sure I am not biased towards one sex or the other for the new baby now...

Mud said...

Oh ouch! I remember a friend's brother getting his penis caught in the zip of a sleeping bag (no idea how). He had to be taken to Casualty with it still attached to be sorted out.

We still won't let him forget, 25 years later...

Mud said...

Oh ouch! I remember a friend's brother getting his penis caught in the zip of a sleeping bag (no idea how). He had to be taken to Casualty with it still attached to be sorted out.

We still won't let him forget, 25 years later...

geekymummy said...

Oh my goodness! Thats a story to tell all of his future girlfriends!

planb said...

And how was the party after all that...?

(Please note I want no information on his future sex life...)

nappy valley girl said...

The party went well - and there have been no further penile problems! Phew....

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